THE DROUGHT WAS THE VERY WORST

Marie Audemard

one time too many
i’m back in your room
same mess, same blue eyes
looking at me
like i’m the battle you’re about to win

you bite your cheek
and i know you’re lying
dramatic reactions
you know what you want
but not how to get it
could you even?
‘i wish i had given up all hope,’ you try
it didn’t work
you show me the door

i’m about to go
but you grab my arm
‘let’s go for a walk’
you have made far too many jokes already
i hate myself again
so i say yes
as if i wanted to be punished for longer

you ask
for my whereabouts
trying to infiltrate my brain again
i finally wake up
i hate you
you are still abusive
boundary
you never handled those really well
they get in your way
so you sting
where you know it hurts
this time i have enough dignity

‘right’
and i’m walking away