iPHONE

Ashli Giles

- Did I tell you about how I broke my iPhone 16?
- You’re kidding me. You just got that one after breaking the other one a month ago.
- Loved that one. Good old iPhone 15.
- If you loved it so much then you wouldn’t have chucked it into the toilet.
- Not my fault my kid wandered into the bathroom while I was pissing.
- Don’t go blaming your two-year-old. Who pisses with the door open?
- Do you want to hear how my new phone broke or what?
- Can’t be any more ridiculous than the last time.
- Right, so the wife and I took the kids to their weekly horse-riding lesson. You know,
  that one twenty minutes up the road?
- Hundred-and-forty quid a week for your two toddlers who shout ‘bear’ when they see
   a horse. Yeah, I know the one.
- I was lightly jogging alongside the three-year-old’s horse, and you know my leather
   trousers?
- The ones with the decorative pockets that you constantly complain about? Don’t tell
   me ...
- The wife hadn’t finished the laundry, okay? I had no other choice. So, I was jogging
   with the phone in my pocket, and it just ... popped out.
- ‘Popped out’?
- And before I could turn around and get it, the horse my two-year-old was riding
   stomped all over it. The wife didn’t even bat an eyelid when she ran away with
   the horse and kid.
- And let me guess, you now have a new phone.
- Say ‘hello’ to my new iPhone 16 Pro Max.
- Surely that’s not too different from just the regular iPhone 16?
- No, no. It’s actually bigger, which means I can store more things on it, like my
   favourite apps. It’s also way nicer than the iPhone 16. Really, the horse smashing it up
   did me some good. I’d been eyeing up that model for a while now.
- Are you just using these accidents to give yourself an excuse to buy the new phones?
- I never said they were accidents, did I?